you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
