She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
