just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
