she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
