Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
