Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
