I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
