btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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