Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
