quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
