Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
