I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My dick has a subreddit
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
