You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
