I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
