So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
