We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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