we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
