I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
