it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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