Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
