Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think my cat just said my name.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
