When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
