So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
