I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
