i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
