can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
