The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
