How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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