no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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