How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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