So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
