Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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