i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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