apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
