I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
