guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
