I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
