And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
