well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
