I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
