At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dude i'm inner monologue high
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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