What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
