Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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