if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Randomize
