At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
