last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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