I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
