I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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