Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
