They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
