are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I deserve to be covered in dicks
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize