I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You were trust falling into bushes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
