Barsexuality is the new black.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
